


Seasons Change

by wekingsandprettythings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, loosely based on real events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 21:56:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20609963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wekingsandprettythings/pseuds/wekingsandprettythings
Summary: 10 years later, on a chilly September evening, they’re skyping once again.A look at Dan’s evolving relationship with his mother and Phil.





	Seasons Change

It was a small cottage that his mum rented in France, it was quaint and beautiful. It had to be over a hundred years old, but it added to the charm. 

The first 2 days he really took in the ambience of the cottage. The cobblestone flooring in the kitchen, the vines that stretched up the outer wall of the building, the big oak tree outside his window that had a swing on it. He loved the small touches, he loved to imagine what it would be like to have a house like this permanently. 

The only thing that would make it better would be Phil. 

His mum had asked if he wanted to come as well, Phil was willing to go and they had planned on him going but Dan wanted time alone with his mum, saying; “this will be the first trip we’ve gone on since I was twelve where I didn’t have a secret to keep from her. I want to spend time with my mum.” 

Phil understood completely. 

He was nervous to go, he knew it would be awkward because they hadn’t fully discussed anything past just confirming he was gay and that he and Phil were together. But he knew he wanted to tell her everything, he wanted to talk to her and share things with her the same way he’s always seen Phil and Kath interact. He wants this trip to make him feel as happy as he is when he hears Phil on the phone with his mum. 

The drive was awkward, he knew it would be. His mum drove while he sat in the passenger seat with Colin in his lap and his brother in the back seat. His grandparents were in the car in front of them, his mum used them like a GPS, she prayed the whole time that they knew where they were going. 

“So,” she said after 2 hours of driving, “how have you been?” 

“Really good,” he said with a smile. 

“I got an Instagram, I saw that you and Phil were in Manchester last week.” 

“Yeah, we went to go see our old friend Ian and his family.”

“Have you guys been doing a lot lately?” she asked. 

“No,” he said softly, “we’ve taken a break from mostly everything. This is the first time since we moved to London where we don’t have any obligations and it’s nice.” 

He could see her smile, “do you think you’re going to get busy again or?” 

“No, I think we’re going to settle down a bit, still make videos and things but I think the era of crazy projects is over.” he confirmed, “Phil’s in his thirties, you know? He says he feels like he’s missed out on what people like Ian have and he wants it and I want anything that he wants.” 

“You guys have had a lot of time to grow together, unlike me and your father we started so young, I wouldn’t trade you both for the world but I wish I was thirty when you were born.” she said softly, “you guys are doing it the right way.” 

A comment like that would have hurt his feelings when he was younger, he always felt like she felt like that. But growing up, he knows she is in the right for feeling like that. Her best years were swapped out for being a mum, she tried hard to be good but he knows it wasn’t easy on her. He couldn’t imagine having a baby at 18. 

“Yeah, we are.” 

They didn’t talk much more about him and Phil, or about him much in general. They put on a podcast about two women discussing murder mysteries and they laughed at how dumb some murders were. 

After 11 hours of driving, a ferry ride and many stops for his grandfather to use the bathroom, they pulled into the driveway of the cottage they had rented out for the upcoming weeks. The sun was setting, the lights from the house were all on and illuminating the grounds and the fields of flowers behind the house looked dewy like they were getting ready for the night. 

His room was upstairs, his and his brother's rooms were separated by a bathroom, his mum was at the end of the hall and his grandparents were beside the kitchen. He sat down on his bed with his suitcase beside the closed door and before he knew it he had dialled Phil’s number and the phone was pressed to his ear. 

“Hello,” Phil’s voice was clear and deep and Dan missed it. 

“Hi, we made it here safely,” he said, “thought that I’d let you know.” 

“Is it nice there?” Phil asked. 

Dan sighed and laid back against the bed, the quilt was old and a tiny bit rough but it was old on his skin and it felt nice. “It’s beautiful, we should rent it out for a week sometime.” 

“Yeah?” 

Dan hummed, “it has the same vibe as the house from Call Me By Your Name.” 

“Ooh,” Phil said, “promise not to fall in love with some teenager while you’re there,” Phil said with a giggle. 

“Nah, I’m in love with an old man already,” Dan replied. “What are you up to?” 

“Eating pizza and watching Thor.” 

“Of course you are,” Dan laughed. 12 hours and he already missed him. 

“What are you doing?” Phil asked right back as there was a knock on his door. 

“Come in,” he said softly. 

“Hey hun, the woman we’re renting from made us a big pot of soup, come down when you’re ready.” she said with a smile, “and say hi to Phil for me.” 

“Mum says hi,” he said. 

“Tell her I said hello too.” 

“He says hi.” 

“I’ll let you get back to your chat,” she said, closing his door. 

“How was driving with her?” Phil asked. 

“Good, we listened to podcasts and stuff.” 

“You didn’t talk about anything?” 

“Not really,” he said, “I think we’ll slowly talk. I don’t want to just discuss all the heavy topics in one day.” 

“Yeah, well, go eat.” Phil insisted, “say hi to everyone for me and text me before bed yeah?” 

“Okay.” 

“Love you,” Phil said. 

“Love you too, bye.” 

-

He woke up on Phil’s side of the bed, she sheets smelled unfamiliar and he wasn’t used to the sun rising and shining through his windows. He sat up, the house was cold and the sheets were colder, he also wasn’t used to sleeping alone. He rubbed his eyes lightly before he got up. 

He threw on a pair of thick socks, track pants and a sweater that belonged to Phil. It still smelled like him. He grabbed his headphones and a book out of his suitcase, he grabbed a throw blanket from the armchair in his room and walked downstairs to find his grandmother in the kitchen. 

“Good morning dear, isn’t it a bit early for you?” 

He laughed lightly, “no, I’ve been sleeping a lot better than I used to.” 

“Sounds like you’re growing up.” she said, “Coffee or tea?” 

“A tea please,” he said, sitting beside his grandfather at the table. “Did you sleep well?”

“Oh yes,” he said, “I have missed the countryside, we might have to move back to Wokingham.” 

“I like the apartment, I’m not going with you.” his grandmother chimed in. 

He laughed lightly, they were always like this. As long as he could remember his grandparents had been the same bickering old married couple and he loved it. They were happy, they made it through a war and 2 kids and grandkids way too early. And they were still happy and in love, he hoped that he felt like that in his 80’s with Phil. 

“Do you want toast?” she asked. 

“No thank you,” he said with a small smile as she placed his mug on the table. “I think I’m going to go read in the yard.” 

“It’s rather beautiful out there this morning,” she smiled back. “Enjoy your book.” 

He slipped on his shoes, placed his book and blanket under his arm and gripped his tea tightly as he walked outside. There was a set of Adirondack chairs under a tree at the end of the yard, it overlooked a pond. The heat from the sun combating against the cold surface causing the fog to rise slowly. 

He could hear a loon somewhere in the distance, there were ducks at the far end of the pond cleaning their feathers in the water, little dragonflies were dancing around the air peacefully. For late September it seemed oddly like early June out there. 

The chair was slightly damp, so he folded the blanket over and set it down on the chair before he sat down in it. He pulled his legs to his chest and held his cup close to his heart. It was beautiful and relaxing, but the chair beside him felt far too empty. 

Dan: good morning, i hope you slept well <3

He put his headphones and shuffled his slightly sad reading playlist. His tea in one hand, his book in the other. It was calm, the air was clean and so were his thoughts. He felt better than he had on any trip with his family. 

He didn’t feel the pressure to hide phone calls from Phil or whisper i love yous to him at night and he wasn’t worried about how they’d feel if they knew. Because they did know, and they were okay with it and it even felt like the love they had for him now was greater than the love he felt from them in the past. Not because they didn’t love him, but because he was allowing himself to know that they loved him. 

-

He went out with his grandma and mum to look at the shops that afternoon, they got a bunch of fresh vegetables and his mum bought a necklace. While Dan bought a bottle of someone's homemade wine and some cheese and meats to go with it because he couldn’t stand being a full vegan for 2 weeks. 

His mum was thankful, so was popsy. 

His nan made a wonderful pasta for dinner and once everything was cleaned up his mum asked if Dan would want to have a glass of wine on the patio with her. Adrian was out riding his bike and his grandparents wanted to go sit by the pond where he had been that morning. 

“I’ve wanted to talk to you alone for a while now,” she said, “but I didn’t know how.” 

“Oh?” 

“I watched your video.” she spoke softly, “and part of me hates myself for making this about me but I’m terribly sorry if I ever made you feel unloved or unwanted. Because I love you with my whole heart Daniel, you’re my baby, and while my dumb teenage self didn’t know how to be a mum I wish I had of given you what you deserved.” 

“It’s not your fault in the slightest, I know that.” Dan said, “I honestly and truly don’t hold anything against you, I worked a lot of my issues out in therapy and I know if me and Phil accidentally had a baby when I was 18 and then I went through all the shit you and dad did, I’d have a hard time too.” 

She smiled lightly, “if I could go back there would be a lot of things I would change.” 

“Like?” 

“I would have homeschooled you that's for fucking sure, or if I couldn’t do that I’d be there kicking the shit out of all those assholes who did you wrong.” she said, “I wish you could have told me, I want to go back and hold myself by the shoulders and just shake myself for not seeing the hurt you were in.” 

“You were hurting too, I didn’t want to walk into the kitchen where you were telling dad off for being a prick only to cry and have him say some shit about me being weak.” 

“I was so afraid that if we broke up you’d both be affected that I didn’t notice how shitty it was already,” she said softly like she wanted to cry. 

“Believe me, mum, I dated Erin all that time because I was afraid to be called gay. I know what it’s like to stay with someone for the wrong reasons.” 

“But you and Phil are happy?” she asked, switching the topic before she cried any more. 

Dan nodded with a smile, “yeah we are.” 

“You know I knew right?” she said. 

He didn’t. “What?” 

“Come on, you didn’t honestly think that I was oblivious?” she said with a laugh. 

“Well yeah, why else would you keep asking if I had a girlfriend?” 

“It was a subtle way for me to set you up to say ‘actually mum, I like boys’,” she explained, “I was never going to ask you because I knew you had your reasons, and I’m not entitled to your business.”

“I wasn’t subtle was I?” 

She shook her head, “you brought him 'round for my birthday after your father left, and I honestly thought you were going to tell us then.” 

He could see that. They sat very close that afternoon and they kept talking about little things they were doing and their apartment together. And Dan kept looking at him like he was the most wonderful man on earth, cause he is. But he only did it because he knew his dad wouldn’t be there. 

“I want to ask you something,” she said softly, “if I wanted to get to know you more, could we just start over? Forget all the shit we went through and learn to love each other better?” 

“Yeah,” he whispered, he felt like he could cry over it. 

“I want to know this Dan, I want to know the Dan you always wanted to be.” 

“I’d really like that too.” 

-

“I told you,” Phil said through the grainy skype call. 

“Shut up,” Dan laughed, “forget that I told you, tell me what you did today.” 

“Bryony and I watered all her plants and had dinner with her parents.” 

“What did you have?” 

“A Sunday roast on a blinkin' Monday!” he shouted.

“Blasphemy!” 

They were quiet for a bit, Dan was scrolling through Instagram on his phone while Phil was playing videogames on the TV in their room. It felt exactly like it did 10 years ago, doing separate things in separate bedrooms but still together. He missed Phil so much, he wanted to reach out and hold him and give him a goodnight kiss, not doing it for 2 weeks was going to kill him if the serial killer in the area didn't get to him first. 

“What if I got a one way in and came for the last few days?” Phil asked, breaking the silence.

“Would you really do that?” 

He nodded, “I miss you too much.” 

“That’s gay.” 

Phil didn’t look impressed while Dan laughed, “Shut up, you missed me today too.” 

Dan smiled to himself, he saw Phil’s sweater discarded in the corner of the room where he left it after he took it off. And on-screen Phil was in one of Dan’s shirts while he was tucked into their bed. It was strange so being back like this. 

“You’d think after ten years, being apart for a few weeks would be a bit easier.” 

Phil smiled softly, “it’s funny to think that ten years ago we were doing this, and here we are again.” 

“We’ve been through so much since then,” Dan’s voice was soft and low, barely a whisper, “I can’t believe how much has changed.” 

“Don’t get sappy on me while I can’t hug you,” Phil replied, equally as soft. 

They joked around till it was approaching midnight, Dan didn’t want to say goodnight. He wanted to set up his laptop on Phil’s pillow and fall asleep with him there. They shared I love you’s, Dan blew a kiss at his screen to make Phil laugh and they hung up. He plugged his phone in and set it on his night table before getting ready for bed. 

He snuck down to the kitchen to get a glass of water to see his mum and Colin in there having a late-night cup of tea. 

“Can't sleep?” he whispered. 

She shook her head, “I have a hard time in new beds.” 

“Touring gets you used to different beds,” Dan said with a small smile. “I’m sure Colin cuddles help.” 

She laughed lightly, “yeah he likes to sleep on the pillow beside my head.” 

“I can’t wait to get a dog.” 

“Do you think that’ll be soon?” she asked. 

Dan shrugged, “we need to get a house first.” he said, reaching into the cupboard to get a glass. 

“Oh that sounds fun, are you looking yet?” 

“Kinda,” he said, “we’ve talked to a realtor about what we want but I honestly want to build.” 

“Wow, really?” 

He nodded while he filled up his glass, “yeah cause then it’ll for sure be everything we’re looking for.” 

“Which is?” 

He sat down beside her and took a sip of his water, “Well, I want a big bathtub and a walk-in closet and hardwood floors. Phil wants floor to ceiling windows and like he wants there to be a view from the second floor to the lounge so the Christmas tree can be huge,” Dan said with a laugh. 

“That sounds really nice already,” she was smiling, and Dan knew she was excited and proud. 

He wasn’t sure how to really talk to her about the future yet, he could barely touch on the past. But from their chat that night he knew she wanted to get to know him as he is now. He wasn’t scared to open up to her he just wasn’t sure how to share with her yet. She was his mum but she still felt like a stranger to him in this life he was living. 

“And,” he said softly, swallowing sharply, “maybe two or three kids rooms too.” 

Her whole body softened, her head tilted slightly while she stared at him with so much love in her eyes, “really?” 

He nodded, “yeah, in like five years once we have settled into a home and have cared for a dog for a bit we might try and adopt or even get a surrogate.” 

“Dan,” she said softly, “you’re going to be such a good dad.” 

He wanted to cry. That comment, mixed with the fact that she knew he would be a parent with another man just hit him all too hard. Before when her or his father talked about his hypothetical future family they always mentioned his ‘wife’ and every time it stung, but now his mum knew him and Phil would be having that future family and he couldn’t believe it. 

“I hope,” he said, taking another sip so that he didn’t cry. 

“I can just imagine a little mini you running around.” 

“Oh no,” Dan corrected her, “if anything we’re having little Phil’s I do not want to pass on the depression to my baby.” 

“You might not though,” she said, reaching a hand out for his. “You could pass on my genes, you get the depression from your father's brother, we all know that. And even so you’d know how to raise and love and help them in a way you never had the help in the beginning, it will be okay love.” 

“I do want a little Phil thought, they’d be little freckled gingers,” he said with a smile, he’s thought of Phil’s kids so often. 

“You could even do the three-parent thing that science can do now you know with the mixed sperm?” 

“True.” 

“I think Colin and I are going to head off to bed,” she said softly, “would you want to come on a walk with me in the morning?” she asked. 

“No, um I want to read by the pond again in the morning.” 

“Well, if you change your mind Adrian and I are leaving around ten.” 

“Alright,” he said softly as he watched her get up and leave the room, Colin’s little nails on the stone floor was the only noise that was heard as he followed her. 

He sat there for a minute, his face in his hands. He was only 3 days into his trip and it was already so overwhelming, but in a good way. He took his glass with him back to his room, he put it on the side table and he slid into his bed. 

There weren't any blinds in his room, which just meant that while he sat there and thought about his life he could see how the moon shone down on the field. How it was dark everywhere but the one strip there the moonlight escaped from the clouds, the grass looked dewy and fresh, the flowers were all closed up for the night and the pond was completely still. 

He didn’t often get to just, feel free. He stared out the window thinking about how much had changed since the last trip with his family. How much happier he was this time around, not just because he no longer had a secret but because his family was happier. His mum had Colin now, his grandparents were enjoying being old together, his brother was having the time of his life travelling. 

“Season’s change,” he whispered to himself. “And I guess people can too.”


End file.
